selfish.

Source: Bandwagon Asia

Sometimes I look at myself
It’s a little bit selfish
I tried but I can’t win
You don’t even know

My Life, Mark Tuan

The sun has risen, but I’m still content to roll around on my quite large bed. Weekend mornings are ideal for lounging. Retaliation for frantic and stressful work days.

Repeatedly scrolling through Twitter, TikTok, Instagram stories, YouTube, and other social media platforms. I was having so much fun that I didn’t realize I’d skipped breakfast. I’m too lazy to go out looking for food; well perhaps the packaged croissant I bought yesterday will satisfy my hunger until my laziness fades.

I try to relax myself for a moment while munching on a croissant and re-watching Haikyuu Season 4; well I kinda miss watching the Karasuno vs Inarizaki battle scene. My head has been exploding lately. I’m thinking a lot. I’m thinking about a lot of things. And as a result, I begged the universe to let me rest for the day.

But then my phone began to vibrate.

Several messages have come in already. My mother texted me to ask for my additional help. My younger sister requested help in order. Friend-A requested an additional help. Friend-B also requested for additional help. My body reacts instinctively to what they desire. There is nothing wrong with this. That’s fine. I will continue to do so as long as I am able and their request is reasonable.

Maybe things like that are doable when I’m down and not doing anything important. It’s a different story when I’m tired or upset. When I’m in an unstable mental state, I can even blame the wind for blowing too much.

And when these requests come at a time when I’m in an unstable emotion and overloadly thinking — just like this time — I really want to be enraged. Well, however, this is not possible. And, as is my wont, I ended up crying.

I simply do not wish to be bothered just for a day. I don’t want to think about anything just for a single day. I don’t want to do anything just for a single day. Just for one day, I just want everything to go my way.

Am I too selfish if I ask it for just one day?

I tried everything to please you
I forgot to think of me too
I woke up and realized
That this is my life

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Martha Agustine

“The Girl with An Anklet” — Confused - Learned - Repeat (IG: marthgstn)